I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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