Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...