Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man