She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.