New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my poor anus
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
