We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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