Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
