reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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