before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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