He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
false alarm, still single
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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