i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
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