God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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