but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
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There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.