Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.