I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.