My hand turned me down
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
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The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.