So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
