I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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