he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
