Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
