If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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