Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
