Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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