She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
