Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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