I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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