The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize