If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
