if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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