Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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