i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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