my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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