i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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