No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
