i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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