I'm jealous of your bromance
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
