Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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