I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
