I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
