so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
