I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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