I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
