I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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