I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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