I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.