Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants