I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Intervention is following me on twitter.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym