i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.