I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap