Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
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