moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
