There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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