Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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