first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
