So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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