Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
