I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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