i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.