and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
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i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."