Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.