We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.