Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.