I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...