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Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Watching her eat just hurts me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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