great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.