In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.