Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
